Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Grandbaby is Here!!

The grandbaby arrived on Friday September 16, 2011 at about 12:30pm. He was about 3 weeks early, but healthy. He weighed 6lbs 15oz and 21 inches long. His name is Braxton John. He is purdy! His mom got an infection after birth and her fever shot up to about 107 degrees. They put her on antibiotics and the baby as well just as precaution. They were released yesterday and are doing fine. Baby Braxton's birthday was not a good day for his step-grandma (me). I was not handling it well at all. I thought I had 3 more weeks to prepare. I was mad and a I cried and got into a fight with my husband. I wasn't ready, but I don't know that I would've ever been ready. I think I was living in denial. If I ignored it, it wouldn't happen kind of a thing. But it did happen, and there's a new precious little soul on this earth. So like a proud grandma, since its my duty...here are some pictures:

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Words of Advice...DON'T TEST EARLY!

If and when you ever get the pleasure to take HCG shots for luteal phase defect (or PMS)...for the love of all thats holy...DO NOT TEST EARLY! I made the mistake and it SUCKS! I took 2000iu on Wednesday (P+9), by Monday, I was dying. I was P+14, and after googling and googling, me in my infinite wisdom decided "what's two days?" I saw that beautiful "pregnant" pop up in the little window of that test and smiled. I thought AWESOME...first medicated cycle and it worked. In the back of my mind, all I could hear was its two days early Beth...but I again fought it with "what's two days?!". Well apprently two days is EVERYTHING. Because today Wednesday (P+16) I saw "not pregnant" and CD1 showed up about 6 hours later! BOOO!!! Moral of the story...listen to your doctor and DO NOT test early!!! I don't know if it's suprising or not, but I'm actually OK. I was a little sad this morning, but really...did I expect it to work that fast?...NOPE! Did I always hope?...YEP! Oh well...there's always next month. The HCG kept my moods amazingly stable. There were no casualties and no tears. I did have the worst cramps pre CD1 I have ever had. For about the last 4-5 days I've had cramps and with the arrival of CD1 they are worse. I've taken 4 Ibuprofen and they numbed them a little. Not being pregnant sucks, but bleeding for 7 days and cramps, is just adding insult to injury! Now on to bigger and better things....this blogger did what her doctor told her and didn't test until P+17 and look what happened!!!! PREGNANT!! Also, happier things. We finally bought our plane tickets to go to Salt Lake City for Christmas. We're not going for the grandbaby's delivery in 3 weeks. I didn't want to go, but I did try and encourage DH to go, but he didn't want to either. So we decided to wait until Christmas and kill two birds with one stone. We'll be gone for two weeks and I'm so excited to finally take a vacation!! Other than a day or two here or there.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I promise I haven't abandoned you....

I'm still here! I've tried to step back for a while...although I still read blogs almost everyday. I'm really trying not to dwell on my own infertility. I have hope and just KNOW one day I'll be pregnant, but the waiting is difficult (as many of you know). I'm P+9 today and I feel NORMAL!!!! Usually by now I want to kill everyone and myself! My poor husband doesn't stand a chance during PMS time....but not this month!!! I heart HCG! Its my miracle drug. I would like to hope that the first medicated cycle out of the gate will be our month, but come on, who am I kidding! It never works that way. A girl can dream right?!?!?! My step-grandson is due in 4 weeks. The closer it gets the harder it gets. The more the mom starts complaining on Face.book, and I just want to yell at her "DO YOU KNOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE!?!?!?!" The more we talk to my step-son, the more it sounds like she WANTED to get pregnant. He was apparently bamboozeled, but they're teenagers, so who really knows. They just don't get it. Sometimes life is not fair!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Oh Florida How I Love Thee...

There's nothing better! Take a look at this....

Finally, a true map of Florida that explains this weird, but wonderful state...

I was raised where the red "Rednecks" are located! I now live in a blue "Old Rich People" area. I can assure you though....I'm not rich and not OLD. Although now that I think about it, maybe I am, I am going to be a grandma after all.

I have absolutely nothing to blog about, that really matters. Sorry I've been away for so long. I'm still reading everyone's blog and trying to comment, although I feel I have nothing to say other than "praying!".

A few updates:
We're battling the pharmacy to cover my HCG (a losing battle I'm sure). We're having problems logistically trying to make a baby, battling low testosterone and all that comes with it. I can say I love my NaPro doctor. She called me on Saturday, ON A SATURDAY and talked to me for about 30 minutes. No charge! That never happens...NEVER!

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Updates, Post Peak Test Results, and a Question

First of all, thank you for the prayers. My sister got to go home today! YAY!! She is feeling much better. I will post the story later on what happened to her as well as my epiphany that being a parent is nerve wracking. :)

Second, I got my first blood results back from my NaPro doc. My progesterone levels are approximate as I didn't get the exact numbers:

P+6 - 9 (P+5 was on a Sunday)
P+7 - 14
P+9 - 4

My estrogen was low as well, but I don't have the numbers. My TSH and Vit D were normal. The doc is putting me on HCG 2000iu P+3, 5, 7 and 9.

She thinks there is something going on my with adrenals, and recommended that I find an endocrinologist. I asked her if that is something Dr. Hilgers could take care of and she said she would talk to him at the conference next week.

Isn't Dr. H big on adrenal problems? Otherwise, I've got to just pick one from my insurance list and pray to God they know what they're doing.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Little Sister in Hopsital...Please pray

I feel like all I do is ask for prayers! Can I ask for prayers for my little sister (her name is Jamie)? She passed out in my parents front yard yesterday and was rushed by Ambulance to a hospital an hour away. Her blood pressure got down to 41/21, but thankfully is on the rise. She is now running 102 degree fever, with at this point no explanation.

This is all compounded by the fact that she doesn't have a pituitary gland, and hasn't been taking the appropriate amount of steriods (her fault and her doctor's fault).

Needless to say, she'll be there for another day or two (or more).

Thank you!!

Saturday, July 2, 2011

First NaPro Appointment

We had our first NaPro appointment today. It was great. Dr. G is very thorough and not to mention so nice!

My DH and I had a little fight about this doctor's appointment a few days ago. He didn't know what was going to expect, and neither did I. He was worried about the costs of the doctor's appointments, on top of the Creighton charting costs (which compared to almost any IF treatment is nothing!). Of course, me being a girl, took his hesitation to mean that he didn't want to get pregnant (as bad as I do anyway). But mostly I felt: because I couldn't get pregnant...that we were having to spend money on doctor's appointments that he would otherwise prefer to give to his son for his grandbaby. Why do I have to go to such a dramatic place?!? I felt like a rotten person. One for theoretically taking money from his son to buy things for his grandbaby, and two, because I'm completely and utterly jealous. All I've ever wanted was to be a mom.

Anyways, because it went so well today...he apologized. I think mostly he was just scared of the unknown. I think he pictured us walking into her house, or dirty office. But mostly, being taken advantage of.

Dr. G reviewed my chart, some of my previous medical records and got a verbal history on both Chris and I. She is NOT convinced I have PCOS because I have regular cycles and "small ovaries"(according to the transvag ultrasound from my REs office). She does think I have insulin resistanace, but mostly because its hereditary and I was very overweight. She is going to do some research on adrenal/cortisol problems...because I definitely have that. She gave me orders for bloodwork for P+ 5, 7, 9, to check estrogen and progesterone. I also found out I had "thickened endometrial lining" during my transvag u/s.

The kicker is...she thinks I have endo. DANGIT! Going to Omaha for surgery was not high on my list of "things I want to do". She did say that she wants us to try for a while, with progesterone support and whatever else she decides before she recommends me for surgery.

Another thing she noticed was from my HSG. She thought something was weird about the shape of my uterus. She asked me about fibroids. I don't have heavy bleeding. My left tube is blocked. I always have what I assume is ovulation pain from right side...never from the left. Maybe that's why I never have pain, ol' lefty knows ovulating is a waste of time!! HA!

I think she also finally convinced my husband to do a sperma analysis. She is going to also take on his needs (low testosterone, etc).

I'm so glad I finally learned Creighton. It has been such a blessing and it's only the beginning.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

I Survived...

my first week of being gluten free. I feel like its going pretty good. I'm eating better quality food (except for Chex cereal, Fritos and Diet Coke, which are all gluten free!!). I eat more REAL food and that is fantastic. Lots of fruits and veggies and meat.

I do however, eat A LOT of dairy. I ate a whole block of cheese by myself this week. YUM!! Although I am wondering if I shouldn't give that up too. I eat dairy and my belly starts blubbering. Oh well, one step at a time.

I can't say that I feel better, although, I do seem to be able to get more done at work. That's always nice! I still HATE getting up in the morning...does anyone know if there is a cure for that?!??!! That I would pay good money for!! (not to mention my poor husband that hates me until about 10:00am!)

Not much else to report here right now. We are starting to buy things for the grandbaby on the way. Planning our trip to Salt Lake City. You know...the usual.. BLECH!

For anyone intersted, here's my chart for your viewing pleasure. I love hearing what people thing about it and any ideas they have.

Yes, yes you will notice a severe lacking of (I)s. We were both sick during the fertile time last month. And what's the use of doing the deed if its not to make a baby?! HAHAHA! My poor poor poor DH!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day

Although this holiday is not nearly as bad for me as Mother's Day, it's still pretty rough. I don't think it's as bad because my husband is already a father and he LOVES being a dad. Although, he wants more children badly. And I want to give him more children.

So instead of dwelling on the fact that I probably won't be making him a father again anytime soon, I'm going to blab about my own dad. I love my dad. He can make me laugh unlike anyone else on the planet.

My superman dad, stopping a train...

We play off each other and sock the crap out of each other. I was his "boy". Weighing in at over 10lbs at birth and being (how do you say...) stocky, he treated me like a boy most of the time. I would go hunting and mud boggin'. I would work on cars with him and get dirty. At the age of 12, I probably could've built a car motor all by myself. Now I can barely remember to check the oil. HA!

My dad and me (4th birthday)...

My dad worked his butt off to support us. He raised 4 daughters for the most part, never making more than $12.00 an hour at his day job (although he had a garage in our backyard which also helped). I made more money at the age of 20, than my dad did at 40. To this day, I wonder HOW he did it. We never had the best of things, but we ALWAYS had what we NEEDED, went to the doctor and dentist, etc. I didn't want for anything (except maybe for a pair of Guess Jeans).

Family vacation to Minnesota...

My dad taught me that family comes first. There is NOTHING more important. He taught me to be generous. He would give anyone that needed it, the shirt of his back. I think most importantly, he taught me by example.

Love you Daddy!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

IF Support Group & Gluten Free

Today was an IF support group meeting. Its a great group, that seems to be growing weekly. We cry, laugh and learn from each other. As much as I hate that we all suffer from IF, its so nice to get together with women who understand.

They had a Creighton instructor come in and give an overview for the people not already charting Creighton. But it was also good for the Creighton charters too. I think she may have convinced me to go gluten free...AHHH!! She was talking about Cortisol levels triggering high testosterone levels, insulin problems, feeling yucky, etc. I thought all those things equaled PCOS. She said yes in a way. So I asked her how/why. She explained to me (and I'm never going to be able to say this as nicely) but basically after years of abusing my body and my adrenal glands, they are saying I QUIT! It has something to do with immune issues and she said she encourages her clients to go gluten free. Removing a outside source of inflammation can help calm the adrenal glands. WHY didn't my RE tell me any of this?

Lord give me the strength to do this!!

Quick Prayer Request

My friends 5 day old baby was just rushed to the ER. Can I ask for prayers for this baby? His name is Preston.

Thank you! You all are wonderful!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Our Lady of La Leche Shrine & Meeting a Blogger!

My DH and I had the pleasure of meeting Mr. and Mrs. TCIE yesterday in St. Augustine. The Shrine of Our Lady of La Leche was amazing and peaceful. Everyone who has met Mrs. TCIE has said she is wonderful and beautiful! She is! It was so nice to meet her and her husband.

Our Lady of La Leche is a Shrine in St. Augustine, and also the place where the first Mass was celebrated in the US.

This "Rustic Alter" was built to commerate the first Mass. Mass is still celebrated there for parish pilgrimages and also weddings.

My devotion to Mary is ever growing. This place was perfect for that. She is EVERYWHERE...

This is me and my DH in front of the Chapel. (this bought to my attention how very bad my posture is! and that's not good for fertility)

This is an outside shot of Our Lady of La Leche chapel.

Prayer to Our Lady

Lovey Lady of La Leche, most loving mother of the Child Jesus, and my Mother, listen to my humble prayer. Your motherly heart knows my every wish, my every need. To you only, His spotless Virgin Mother, has your Divine Son given to understand the sentiments which fill my soul. Yours was the sacred priviledge of being the Mother of the Saviour. Intercede with Him now, my loving Mother, that, in accordance with His will, I may become the mother of other children of our heavenly Father. This I ask, O Lady of La Leche, in the Name of your Divine Son, My Lord and Redeemer. Amen.

It is hard not to feel close to God in that place. I pray He answers our prayers.

On the grounds, right outside the Chapel, there is this...

My heart sank at the thought of abortion. I saw the headstone and the benches while we were there. It wasn't until I got home and looked at the pictures that I saw that precious angel standing behind, I have NO idea how I missed it.

One of the most amazing things on the grounds is the humongous cross. Its HUGE.

The statue in front of the cross is Father Francisco Lopez de Mendoza Grajales. Father Lopez was founding pastor of the Saint Augustine parish and celebrated the first Mass in the new colony on September 8,1565.

The Great Cross makes you feel so small. Like looking at the stars small. Insignificant but very loved.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

How do you spread the NaPro word?

I had my yearly exam with my ob/gyn. I told him I wasn't seeing the RE he recommended me to anymore after our birthcontrol spat. He was completely supportive and asked who was monitoring me for my Synthroid and Metformin perscription. At this time...nobody. He referred me to another RE in the area (one he says is not so pushy). I told him that I was going to go to a NaPro doctor and he looked at me like I had three heads. He said "What?" I wasn't really sure how to answer him. We talked about it for a few minutes, but he was really stuck on an RE because they are ob/gyns and endocrinologist (or something to that effect). I told him about Dr. Hilgers and the training the doctors go through and he still wasn't sure about it. He said "I wasn't taught that in medical school."

At the end though, he said you have to do what you are comfortable with and he will help in anyway he can. WHAT DOCTOR SAYS THIS?!?!? I was soo surprised!! And so excited! He's willing to do anything he can to help my NaPro doctor! I'm wondering what, if any information I can give him to help him understand about NaPro. He may not be too interested, but I would like to give him something. Do you guys have any ideas?

I'm counting down the days to my NaPro appointment...only 1 month! Whoo hoo!

Totally different subject - I had a little IF breakdown last week. The first time (maybe second time) I actually CRIED about IF jealousy. My 19 year old step-son's girlfriend is pregnant. We had a scare with the 17 year old last year, but this time (with the older son) it is for real. She is really pregnant...about 20 weeks and having a boy (YES we JUST found out). I'm going to be a grandma! BOOO!

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Husbands like NFP Too

Our Napro teacher gave us this story. She said she doesn't like the men feeling left out of charting, etc and gives all her clients this story. My husband loved it, so I want to share it with you. NFP is a beautiful thing!

When we first married, my wife, Misty, and I were the typical secular couple. We relied on hormonal contraception. Due to bad side effects, that didn't last long. Misty found out about Natural Family Planning (NFP) through a Catholic friend. Admittedly, I was suspicious of all the "hocus pocus" involving cryptic symbols on the NFP chart. That would all change in surprising ways once we got into living the NFP lifestyle.

Before having children, Misty had been an atheist and I had been an agnostic. With our first child, the miracle of life spurred a spiritual awakening in us. We realized the Holy Spirit had already led us into a Catholic life. Even after our conversion, however, NFP enriched our relationship with each other and with God in ways we never expected.

We studied Pope John Paul II's "theology of the body" and became excited about living out our faith and sharing it. It was thrilling to learn the compelling reasons behind the Church's beautiful teachings on sex and marriage.

Much to my surprise, I also learned how grateful my wife was that I was willing to learn how her body worked. I shared the responsibility in planning our family, and also found non-sexual ways of expressing affections and intimacy when we had good reasons to postpone pregnancy. This strengthened our marriage and made me a better husband and father.

When we became Catholic, I knew I wanted to be the spiritual leader of our family, but I didn't understand what that entailed besides bringing our children to church on Sunday. Through NFP and Scripture, I discovered that I had a choice in the kind of man I was going to be.

We often blame Eve for eating the forbidden fruit. But in Genesis, we learn that after taking a bite, she turned and offered the fruit to Adam, who was with her. Adam didn't stop her and say, "This is a bad idea, let's go." He did not protect his wife, but stood by silently while the serpent convinced her to surrender her holiness and damage her relationship with God.

Then there was St. Joseph. When Joseph obeyed the angel who told him to bring Mary into his home, he was accepting the public shame and embarrassment of a pregnant fiancee. He sacrificed his personal honor and reputation to obey God and protect Mary and Jesus.

The choice for a husband is clear: he can be his wife's Adam or he can be her Joseph. A man can stand by silently and allow his wife to suffer the physical and spiritual consequences of contraception. Or he can defend her virtue, body, and soul by using NFP. Today, contraception is accepted and expected. Any man who forgoes it for NFP will likely be exposed to ridicule and criticism. But as St. Joseph taught us, there are some things more important than the opinion of others. May we husbands choose to be Joseph to our wives!

Monday, May 16, 2011

First Review

I had my first Creighton chart review (much later than it should have been) yesterday! I've already been charting for 1.5 cycles. Oh well, better late than never.

She told me she suspected I have low progesterone, because of the TEBB and PMS symptoms. I did learn we used the best day last week (the best type/quantity of fertile cm). Whoo hoo!

Here's my chart, I would LOVE LOVE LOVE any additional input. I always love to play doctor...I konw you do too!!!

(the red pen, is the changes she requested I make)

I absolutely cannot wait for my appointment in July with my new NaPro doctor!

Friday, May 6, 2011

Adoption Song

Even though adoption is not an option for us, it stays with me. I've always loved adoption. This song is written by a Mormon songwriter, but a beautiful song nonetheless. This is the best quality (musically) of the song I could find. Grab a tissue!

God bless these girls/women!

Quick Takes

1. I am supposed to take a "Certified Paralegal" exam this month. I am soo not ready!! My boss really wants me to take it, so I will, but I'm not going to pass the whole thing. The only plus side is...I only have to retake the portions I fail. And fail I will! Legal research....bleh!

2. A really good friend of mine is having her 28th birthday party tomorrow and she's renting a really big blow up waterslide! How fun! I wonder how alcohol and water fun will mix?! This isn't the exact slide, but it's close.

3. I'm sad I'm not going to see my mom for Mother's day. The 2.5 hour drive home is a little much for one day. I hope she'll forgive me.

4. CD10 today. First sign a fertile CM. I have a question for all you Creighton charters. Am I supposed to have 10CK or 10 CLK more than once a day? The other times its a 6C or a 2 or 4. Hardly anything. I should scan in my chart, but can't today. Also, is peak day the LAST day of any kind of fertile CM or the BEST day of fertile CM. If it's the last day, I only had a 10 day LP (including 1 day of spotting). If its the BEST day, I had a 13 day LP with one day of spotting.

5. Hubby and I have been going to the beach almost EVERY weekend. It's wonderful! We love it! I was ALWAYS pale when we lived in Salt Lake City. My poor hubby didn't believe I could tan, but I CAN!! Finally!

6. While we were in Washington D.C. at the Basillica, I bought a book called Angels and Wonders True Stories of Heaven on Earth by Joan Wester Anderson. It's not completely Catholic, but its AMAZING! I want to do a whole post on this book, but haven't taken the time.

7. I can shop AT Old Navy! I have finally lost enough weight to shop in stores OTHER than Lane Bryant. I love it and so does my husband. He took me there the other day and picked out 2 new outfits for me (ALL BY HIMSELF!). One was a cute dress, the other a skirt and blouse. OH, and he also got me two pairs of sandals (which he also picked out). I HATE wearing dresses or skirts, but I love these outfits. I am re-thinking my whole hatred of all things girlie! HAHAHA! I am already planning my next shopping trip!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Basilica of the Immaculate Conception

is AMAZING! I had been there once before, but taking my husband to see it was a whole new experience. We prayed together, we were in awe together. I loved it.

The Basilica is a sight to be seen. It's an amazing place to be. We spent about 4 hours there on Friday, before our flight back home. The only bummer was, we got a parking ticket. HAHA! That's what happens when you do what everone else does. We definitely were not alone in our ticket peril, about 30-40 others were right there with us.

Here are a few of the pictures we took (the ones of us actually in the photo are posted on FB).

It truly is a miraculous place. Praying there gave me such a sense of peace. I wish it could be like that ALL the time!

Friday, April 8, 2011

Charting Question

Do you use a red sticker for even the smalles amount of brown fluid on the TP?

Do you put a "sensation" as well as the type of CM on your chart? I feel like I have to go through and pick one of each. Is that right?

I'm so confused! I feel like I'm doing this all wrong. I have a review in a week or so. Thank goodness!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Quick Takes

1. I started Creighton charting Tuesday. It's different than what I'm used to, but very similar. The only thing I'm tripping up on is not checking internally. After doing the Ferti.lity A.warenes M.ethod (Taking Charge of Your Fertility) its taking everything in me not too. I got to apply 3 green stickers stickers.

2. Now I'm moving on to the red stickers: today is CD1. BOOOO! AND I have some serious flippin' cramps!

3. I'm doing a 5K in May. God help me! Its at 5:00 in the afternoon on the BEACH, so hopefully it will good. I needed some kind of motivation to help get my butt off the couch!

4. I'm going to Bethesda, MD in about 3 weeks. I'm excited my hubby is coming to. I love to travel and don't even mind traveling for work, but going by yourself sucks!

5. Work is great. Had my yearly review and I'm getting a pretty kick ass raise! Whoo hoo!

6. Does anyone watch Gray's Anatomy?! I think the episode last night would've been much better WITHOUT the singing. What the heck was that even about?!

7. My name is Beth and I am a Face.book addict. I cannot help myself! I'm not much of an "updater" myself, but LOVE to read other people's updates and play the stupid FB games. And in true addict fashion, I plan on doing all of the above later tonight!

Come on 5:00, I'm soo ready to get out of the office. The weather is BEAUTIFUL!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Looky looky...

at what I got today!!!

I'm so excited to get started! My appointment with my NaPro doctor is in July!

Whoooo hooooo!!!

Friday, March 18, 2011

7 Quick Takes

1. I spoke to my Creighton instructor yesterday and LOVE her! She's about an hour and a half away, but more friendlier than the two I spoke to in my city. I'm excited to start working with her. She is sending everything by mail for "introductory" session. YAY!!!

2. My husband is still freaking out about me going to NYC by myself on Sunday. I'm trying to convince him I will be fine (which I WILL). Poor hubby!

3. I found a NaPro doctor about 3 hours from here (there are 2 in Jax, but one is only for Naval personnel and the other hasn't come highly recommended). I heard it takes a while to get into see her. Can I call and get on the schedule now for 2-3 months away, so I can have 2 months of charts, or do I have to wait? Any ideas?

4. I finally feel like we are making progress in everything. Life, TTC, work, everything feels like its going much better. At the IF Group, they threw out some stat that if you practice NFP or Creighton, the rate of divorce drops from the usual 50% to something like 10% or 20%. Pretty significant!

5. I have posted everyday for 3 days now. That could be a record!! WHOO HOO!!

6. I am going to be in Bethesda, MA in April for a conference. My hubby is coming with me. Can anyone recommend some fun stuff for him to do? (I know there are a lot of bloggers in the DC area.) Anyone want to have dinner?!

7. I'm out of ideas. 7 is just too many. OH wait I have one. My 7 year anniversary was March 6. It feels like forever and not in a bad way!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Support Group

After our crappy RE appointment yesterday morning, we went to a Catholic IF support group. It was amazing!! Women and even a few mew (the husbands even seemed to enjoy it!) sharing stories and giving each other hope.

I got contact information for a couple of Fertility Care Practitioners so I can start learning Creighton. I'm so excited and so is my husband. The first time I brought up NaPro and CrMS(?) he was less than impressed. He was even less enthused that Dr. H is in NE. But after the RE and his BC spill sent us running, he is completely on board.

There was a girl (a first timer to the group, like me) who was in complete tears. I've never met her, but she described herself as a devout Catholic. As we were going around the room introducing ourselves and explaining a little bit of our IF history, it came her turn and she shook her head...she wasn't ready. So I picked up next and explained about our doctor's appointment, etc. After everyone else had finished, they went back to her to ask her if she wanted to share. This time she did. She explained that we had the same RE and that because he was a doctor and he told her that IVF was the only way they would conceive, they did it. They've done at least 2-3 cycles of IVF. She did explain that her and her husband had prayed and had decided that God was a forgiving God and how bad could doing IVF be if this was the only way they could grow their family. She said she was so ashamed because my DH and I had the courage to walk out and she didn't. I felt so bad for her. You could tell the guilt was just eating her up. I think we all started crying.

Needless to say, I will be going back to this groups monthly meetings.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Birth Control for PCOS?!

DH and I went to the RE today for a follow-up on his MRI. They tested his Cortisol and some kind of progesterone, they were all normal. They tried to test his growth hormone level, but Ques.t Di.agnostics ran the wrong test. The doctor doesn’t think the tumor is anything to worry about. I don’t know that I agree. Is it normal to have a growth on a pituitary gland and it affect NOTHING?!?!

The good news with him is that the HCG and Femara are increasing his testosterone levels to where they should be, which is hopefully helping his fertility. We still haven’t done a semen analysis, so we don’t know for sure. He’s scared and embarrassed, I think.

Ok, now on to me. The doctor was asking how we wanted to proceed with treatment. I asked him how much more weight he thought I should lose before we started getting serious. We are actively trying right now, but with no meds for me (just the good ol’ fashion way…SEX).

He told me with no “treatment” I have a 50% chance of miscarrying if I got pregnancy right now!! WTF?! Does PCOS really screw up your system that bad? I asked him what the “treatment” was and his said “ovulation drugs and other things to get your hormones right where they need to be to achieve pregnancy”. I was devastated by that.

Then to add more salt to the wound, he wants to put me on Birth Control. Why you ask…well let me tell you. He wants me on birth control anytime we’re not active trying to conceive because it’s better for my health. He said PCOS wreaks havoc on your endocrine/metabolic systems and untreated PCOS can cause heart disease, high cholesterol, etc. He wants me on birth control until I go through menopause!!! I was like…uh NO! Then he tried to argue with me and my DH, even going so far as to put it for “off label use” or to rename it. I tired to explain it to him, but all he threw back was “I treat a lot of catholics and some are on birth control pills”. Oh. What. Ever.

DH and I are going to an infertility group here in Jacksonville tonight. It may be time to move on to NAPRO. For the first time my husband is on board with it.

God bless my husband and his hope. He said this in the car leaving the doctor, “Beth, we’ll get pregnant without him, by ourselves.” I wish I could believe that.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

First Trip to NYC...HELP!

I leave for NYC on Sunday (20th) and my husband and I are both a nervous wreck! What was I thinking when I booked this trip?!?! I'm going up for a training seminar at the Ya.le Cl.ub. It sounded fun a month ago when I booked it and now I'm scared. Hearing bad things from muggings to bedbugs aren't helping any!! I wish my husband could go with me, but I don't want to pay for his last minute ticket.

Any tips?

In TTC news, WE ARE BACK ON THE BANDWAGON! I'm so excited to start trying again. I'm on CD9 and should be ovulating before I leave for NYC. I'm down about 40 pounds since surgery and about 50-60 pounds from my first RE appointment. I know I'll have time to lose more weight before we conceive, because who actually gets pregnant the first try (after you've already tried the for 2 years) anyways.

We've had a new development in my husband's hormone problem. He has a "nodule" on his pituitary gland. We are not sure what it's doing right now. He had about 10 viles of blood drawn a week or so ago and we go back to the doctor on Wednesday to find out the results. It could be affecting anything and everything. I hope it's the reason behind his severly low testosterone, because at that point at least we have a cause. All we have right now is really low LH and FSH caushing it. But WHY?

I'm sorry I'm a bad bad blogger. I didn't even participate in prayer buddies because I didn't want to curse the person praying for me to try and figure out what to pray for. I also didn't want to curse whoever I who got assigned to pray for with having a crappy ass prayer buddy! :) I've been struggling lately, but I have gone back to church which is a step in the right direction. Why I stopped going in the first place deserves a whole post of its own. I think I finally figured it out.

I read all your blogs and try to comment often. I think of ya'll all the time and do get a prayer in here and there for you guys too!

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Holy Cramps Batman - Come Diagnose Me

Today is CD1 and I have NEVER have cramps as bad as I do right now. I am sitting at my desk, hunched over wanting nothing more than to go home.

I try not to be a hypochondriac, but it seems most of the IF girls have endo. I'm just wondering what the symptoms were...other than serious cramps. I have had cramps for the last 4-5 days, with a little break yesterday, then BAM today they are back with a vengence. The thing that throws me off with my endo speculation, is I only bleed for 3 MAYBE 4 days, then it's just spotting through day 5 or 6. Day 2 is always the heaviest. I have continual cramps throughout (although CD1 and 2 are the worst). I also am cursed with bowel problems during this time. Constipation for a week until CD1 then the opposite problem. I never have mid-cycle bleeding.

So what's the diagnosis? Help!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Off to a good start

We went for our post-op appointment with the doctor today. DH and I lost 18 pounds each (in the last 2 weeks)!! I only wish we could keep that up, but TOTALLY unrealistic, I know. It's tough learning to eat such small portions and we're being told it won't last. It's completely foreign to only eat once maybe twice a day. I didn't even have lunch today until 2:00 (no breakfast). My head is SCREAMING at me to EAT EAT EAT, but my belly is like "ah not hungry".

In 3-5 weeks, I'm sure I'll be screaming a different story!

So 2010 went out pretty good for me. I had surgery of course, but I also got a great award from work. It's for helping when help was needed. I was just doing my job, but an attorney I work with was very greatful. She said I went over and above my job duties. I got a nice little letter for future resumes AND a pretty kick-ass bonus.

SOO AWESOME! So prayer buddy thanks for all the prayers!

Monday, January 3, 2011

Where are you prayer buddy...

Hopefully I haven't over looked an e-mail or anything, but I haven't heard from my prayer buddy.

I would love to thank whoever's been praying for me.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

Poor poor DH

We are recovering well from surgery...me better than my DH. I hardly have any bruising, the soreness is slowly fading and I'm finally learning how and what to eat without causing pain. DH is still very sore and has a BIG OL' BRUISE. He's doing ok though.

I got completely scared last night. I knew his belly was bruised, but when we got home last night (driving home from my parents), he lifted his shirt and I freaked out. This is what I saw...

I was having DH get dressed to take him to the ER, when I remembered that our surgeon had told us to call him if ANYTHING was happening between our neck and our hips. So I called his cell phone on News Year Eve at 10:00pm and HE ANSWERED!!! Can you believe it?!?! I was so suprised. He told me to relax. It was caused by a shot of Heparin and trauma during surgery...all the blood was just rising to the surface. He said it happens, although it's not the usual. He also called in a new pain med perscription within 10 minutes as well. Although we couldn't pick it up until this morning.

So our NYE was spent in bed, DH sleeping and me watching TV. We are wild party animals! HAHAH!