I need a change. I'm not exactly sure what it is. Maybe its the hormones fromthe start of a new cycle. CD 1 was yesterday. Maybe I'm just bored. I feel antsy. Unease and unrest. I'm not sure why?
It could be I haven't been to mass in forever. It could be that I feel like I live a very BORING life. We have no friends in Jacksonville, maybe that's it. I feel like I'm waiting for my life to start and I hate it. I'm not sure why I just don't start whatever it is I'm waiting for.
I feel like I have no destination. We are not trying to get pregnant right now...maybe I've lost my identity? I asked my husband today "since we're not TTC, should I get on drugs (antidepressants)?" He asked me why. The only reason I could give him is, I guess I need a pick me up? I just feel BLAH and I HATE IT!
I just want more, but I have everything I need. Everything I want? NO. We don't own a house, but we have a roof over our heads. We need to buy a newer car, but the one we have works. I need to learn how to be happy with what I have and my life the way it is...or quit bitching about it and do something.
Any suggestions? Am I the only one who feels this way?
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Meme: 10 Surprising Things
I was tagged by Shannon at http://afriendofgianna.blogspot.com/.
1. I love playing video games with my husband. My favorite are the Lego games (Lego Star Wars and Lego Harry Potter). I'm a geek!
2. I used to get tonsilitis ALL THE TIME as a kid. The doctor would never remove them though.
3. I'm getting the Lap-Band. (there will be a whole post on this)
4. My highest cell phone bill ever was $800.00. Yes, that was one month!!
5. I'm opinionated. Very stinkin' opinionated.
6. I sucked two fingers on my right hand until I was 13. My poor mom tried EVERYTHING to get me to stop. She loved it when I was a baby, but hated it when I got older. The only reason I think I ever stopped is because I broke one of them playing softball in the 8th grade.
7. When I was 2, I almost got the toes on my rigth foot cut off by an escalator. I was barefoot at the Tampa International Airport.
8. I love college football...GO GATORS!!
9. My husband and I almost eloped. The only reason we didn't, is because I was the first to get married out of all my sisters. I didn't want to disappointment my parents.
10. My first car was a Ford Fairmont and it was BROWN. The thing was HIDEOUS. My second car was a Mercury Zephyr that looked just like the Fairmont. Apparently, the person who owned the Zephyr before me smoked weed. The second week I had it they had the drug dog at school. He alerted to my car. I was pulled out of class and they called my dad. Thank goodness my dad knew I was a good kid and told the cops we had just got the car!
I'm not going to tag anyone to do this fun little game. I think most people already have been. I think everyone should do it though!
God bless!!
1. I love playing video games with my husband. My favorite are the Lego games (Lego Star Wars and Lego Harry Potter). I'm a geek!
2. I used to get tonsilitis ALL THE TIME as a kid. The doctor would never remove them though.
3. I'm getting the Lap-Band. (there will be a whole post on this)
4. My highest cell phone bill ever was $800.00. Yes, that was one month!!
5. I'm opinionated. Very stinkin' opinionated.
6. I sucked two fingers on my right hand until I was 13. My poor mom tried EVERYTHING to get me to stop. She loved it when I was a baby, but hated it when I got older. The only reason I think I ever stopped is because I broke one of them playing softball in the 8th grade.
7. When I was 2, I almost got the toes on my rigth foot cut off by an escalator. I was barefoot at the Tampa International Airport.
8. I love college football...GO GATORS!!
9. My husband and I almost eloped. The only reason we didn't, is because I was the first to get married out of all my sisters. I didn't want to disappointment my parents.
10. My first car was a Ford Fairmont and it was BROWN. The thing was HIDEOUS. My second car was a Mercury Zephyr that looked just like the Fairmont. Apparently, the person who owned the Zephyr before me smoked weed. The second week I had it they had the drug dog at school. He alerted to my car. I was pulled out of class and they called my dad. Thank goodness my dad knew I was a good kid and told the cops we had just got the car!
I'm not going to tag anyone to do this fun little game. I think most people already have been. I think everyone should do it though!
God bless!!
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Dang Adrenals *UPDATE*
So I got 1 of the 2 blood test results regarding my adrenals today. We went to the RE today for my husband's results, but I got them to give me copies of results as well. They have not discussed the results with me. I got the Cortisol AM test results and boy am I out of whack!!! This is the test that I took the dexamethazone the night before.
Cortisol AM
.5 (normal 4.0 - 22.0)
WHOA! From what I can figure out with Dr. Google, it points to Addisons Disease. I have an appointment with the RE in a week or two. I am bothered that they didn't call and try to fix this right away. Obviously this is WRONG! Why are they waiting to try to fix it?!?!
My husband still has low testosterone...of course. We were hoping it would normalize. His was 166 (normal 500-1100). Poor guy. They gave him a perscription for HCG and he should be feeling much better soon. Apparently, he can stay on this long term and the doctor believes insurance will pay for it (as long as we don't mention trying to have a baby). So double YAY for that!
********
Apparently, the Dexamethasone they gave me the night before is supposed to supress the cortisol. After googling the test and the results, my results should have been less than 1.8. The normal ranges on the lab sheet are I can only assume, what should be normal without the Dexamethasone the night before. There is still a problem with my cortisol level being too high. This just crosses off Cushing Syndrome from the list. I am waiting on the ACTH. All this information is coming from me and doctor google. This is why pateints like me should NOT be given test results before they are explained by the doctor! I think I have a PhD...too bad Dr. Google doesn't count!!!
Cortisol AM
.5 (normal 4.0 - 22.0)
WHOA! From what I can figure out with Dr. Google, it points to Addisons Disease. I have an appointment with the RE in a week or two. I am bothered that they didn't call and try to fix this right away. Obviously this is WRONG! Why are they waiting to try to fix it?!?!
My husband still has low testosterone...of course. We were hoping it would normalize. His was 166 (normal 500-1100). Poor guy. They gave him a perscription for HCG and he should be feeling much better soon. Apparently, he can stay on this long term and the doctor believes insurance will pay for it (as long as we don't mention trying to have a baby). So double YAY for that!
********
Apparently, the Dexamethasone they gave me the night before is supposed to supress the cortisol. After googling the test and the results, my results should have been less than 1.8. The normal ranges on the lab sheet are I can only assume, what should be normal without the Dexamethasone the night before. There is still a problem with my cortisol level being too high. This just crosses off Cushing Syndrome from the list. I am waiting on the ACTH. All this information is coming from me and doctor google. This is why pateints like me should NOT be given test results before they are explained by the doctor! I think I have a PhD...too bad Dr. Google doesn't count!!!
Friday, August 20, 2010
House
I was watching House tonight. The episode had a very sick nun and one of the doctors volunteered to pray with her and cited this bible verse and it stuck with me.
Peter 1:7 These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold -- and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.
It didn't make me think of my trials however. I think I have a pretty good/easy life. No drama, my family is great. My job is secure (I like it most days).
It actually made me think of all the other IF bloggers out there. The ones who have lost babies they were supposed to receive via adoption...and others through miscarriage. I can only hope if I have to endure these things one day, I can handle it with the grace and faith in God and His plan in which they did.
We all have trials, we get closer to God on how we handle them. I am glad to be a part of the Catholic IF community (and our non-IF bloggers :). It strengthens my faith by witnessing others. I just wanted to say thank you.
Peter 1:7 These trials are only to test your faith, to show that it is strong and pure. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold -- and your faith is far more precious to God than mere gold. So if your faith remains strong after being tried by fiery trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world.
It didn't make me think of my trials however. I think I have a pretty good/easy life. No drama, my family is great. My job is secure (I like it most days).
It actually made me think of all the other IF bloggers out there. The ones who have lost babies they were supposed to receive via adoption...and others through miscarriage. I can only hope if I have to endure these things one day, I can handle it with the grace and faith in God and His plan in which they did.
We all have trials, we get closer to God on how we handle them. I am glad to be a part of the Catholic IF community (and our non-IF bloggers :). It strengthens my faith by witnessing others. I just wanted to say thank you.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Prayer Buddy Reveal
Praying for this young lady was an honor. I prayed for Shannon at http://afriendofgianna.blogspot.com/. (I am not smart enough to hyperlink!)
She is an amazingly faithful woman (and not to mention, beautiful). She loves her faith and her God. I've been reading her blog for a year or more, long before I was a blogger myself. I believe she's want any woman would want in a friend.
I prayed for her daily (well almost daily). Sorry! I tried, really! :) I offered up pain from an HSG and anxiousness from my husband's surgery. She sure kept me busy with all the traveling, becoming certified as a speech-language pathologist, moving, trying to find a new job, a prospective new guy and her vocation she's so ready to start. She's been a busy woman.
Shannon may God bless you!
She is an amazingly faithful woman (and not to mention, beautiful). She loves her faith and her God. I've been reading her blog for a year or more, long before I was a blogger myself. I believe she's want any woman would want in a friend.
I prayed for her daily (well almost daily). Sorry! I tried, really! :) I offered up pain from an HSG and anxiousness from my husband's surgery. She sure kept me busy with all the traveling, becoming certified as a speech-language pathologist, moving, trying to find a new job, a prospective new guy and her vocation she's so ready to start. She's been a busy woman.
Shannon may God bless you!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Quick Takes
So...I'm finally falling in line with the Friday afternoon Quick Takes. It's my first, so bear with me.
1. I've had nothing to blog about. Sorry! :) I know, I know, you SOOOO want to keep reading!!!
2. My husband is doing crazy well! I'm so impressed. He almost has full range of motion back after his knee surgery last week. He's also doing things he's not supposed to...stubborn ass man!! God knows I love him though!!
3. Can I just say I HATE HATE HATE looking for a place?!?! We're just looking for an apartment right now. We have been living in an Extended Stay for TOO LONG! It's so discouraging. With the hubby's record, it's hard to find a decent place. It's amazing how what you did so many years ago can keep haunting you and everyone around you. Oh well, we keep on keeping on. What choice do we have, KWIM?
4. I've lost 7 more pounds in the last week or so. My RE's nurse gave me a 10 pound goal for the month of August. I think I'll make it. No carb is HARD, but I feel SO MUCH BETTER! I can't believe it. I don't feel sluggish (well sometimes my sugar gets a little low), more energy, not so much brain fog. Today was a cheat day and I feel like I'm dragging ass!! I can't wait for the day to end so I can go home and lay down. I hate that.
5. I feel SOO MUCH BETTER now that I'm back on my Synthroid. I'm human again. I still HATE getting up in the mornings, but I've been like that since I was a kid. I don't think I can blame it on anything, other than I love to sleep.
6. I'm so excited about the prayer buddy reveal this weekend, I'm pissing my pants in excitement! HA!
7. There are some really great things happening with adoptions and BFP news lately!! There are also a couple of not so great things. Some miscarriages and an adoption that didn't happen (and those are the only ones I know of). Please know I pray for you. All of you, the good and bad. I can't believe how emotional it all is. You wouldn't think reading a blog would make you feel like you know someone, but it does. I cry when reading about losing babies, both biological and adopted. It's truly heartbreaking. And I cry some more when the long elusive BFPs are announced. It's amazing, really. God bless you all!
1. I've had nothing to blog about. Sorry! :) I know, I know, you SOOOO want to keep reading!!!
2. My husband is doing crazy well! I'm so impressed. He almost has full range of motion back after his knee surgery last week. He's also doing things he's not supposed to...stubborn ass man!! God knows I love him though!!
3. Can I just say I HATE HATE HATE looking for a place?!?! We're just looking for an apartment right now. We have been living in an Extended Stay for TOO LONG! It's so discouraging. With the hubby's record, it's hard to find a decent place. It's amazing how what you did so many years ago can keep haunting you and everyone around you. Oh well, we keep on keeping on. What choice do we have, KWIM?
4. I've lost 7 more pounds in the last week or so. My RE's nurse gave me a 10 pound goal for the month of August. I think I'll make it. No carb is HARD, but I feel SO MUCH BETTER! I can't believe it. I don't feel sluggish (well sometimes my sugar gets a little low), more energy, not so much brain fog. Today was a cheat day and I feel like I'm dragging ass!! I can't wait for the day to end so I can go home and lay down. I hate that.
5. I feel SOO MUCH BETTER now that I'm back on my Synthroid. I'm human again. I still HATE getting up in the mornings, but I've been like that since I was a kid. I don't think I can blame it on anything, other than I love to sleep.
6. I'm so excited about the prayer buddy reveal this weekend, I'm pissing my pants in excitement! HA!
7. There are some really great things happening with adoptions and BFP news lately!! There are also a couple of not so great things. Some miscarriages and an adoption that didn't happen (and those are the only ones I know of). Please know I pray for you. All of you, the good and bad. I can't believe how emotional it all is. You wouldn't think reading a blog would make you feel like you know someone, but it does. I cry when reading about losing babies, both biological and adopted. It's truly heartbreaking. And I cry some more when the long elusive BFPs are announced. It's amazing, really. God bless you all!
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Busy *Updated with results*
I've been working a lot of overtime trying to get my office (ok, cubicle) moved. I didn't realize how much crap I actually had.
My husband had knee surgery today. He'd been having problems but with a X-rays and MRIs they couldn't figure out what was wrong. Well he took a little tumble down the stairs on Monday and had it. His doctor would go in arthroscopically to see what was going on. Well he had a torn miniscus, his knee cap was not smooth and he has a "hole in his bone". He has to use crutches for a month! No weight bearing at all. It's his right knee, so he can't drive. I'm having to take so much time off work, I wonder how I will ever catch up.
I feel so bad for him. I know it hurts (i had my ACL/MCL blown a few years ago). He's a big guy (6'1" and about 270lbs), watching him use crutches is pitiful.
I got all my test results from the RE. I failed my 3 hour glucose test spectacularly. I mean SERIOUSLY FAILED. I am 12 points away from being classified as a diabetic. SCARY! My testosterone is 44 = HIGH! Very HIGH! My TSH was high. My ACTH (adrenal test I believe) was through the roof. Normal is 2-27 mine was 54. No wonder I feel like shit! I need help from all you adrenal people!! I had the Cotrosyn and the Dexamethazone tests, but am still waiting for results. What is wrong with me?!?!
I was told low/no carb diet again. This time it suck in..because for crying out loud I do not want to be a diabetic. It runs in my family, I've seen what it can do, and it ain't pretty!
So between work, my poor hubby and my own stuff, it's been a sucky week. I don't think I'm ever going to dig out of the back log.
I am soo happy about all the adoption news and BFPs!! It is all so exciting!! God bless our prayer buddies!
Below are the tests and results...
Glucose Tolerance Test:
Fasting - 86
1 Hr - 188 (200 is the cut off for diabetes)
2 Hr - 172
3 Hr - 95
Insulin Response to Glucose Tolerance Test:
Fasting - 14
1 Hr - 131 (normal range 8-112)
2 Hr - 331 (normal range 5-55)
3 Hr - 154 (normal range 3-20)
Vitamind D
21ng/ml (normal 30-100)
TSH
5.27
T4, Free
1.2
T3, Total
108
ACTH, Plasma
52 (normal 5-27)
Testosterone
44 (normal 2-45)
Hydroxyprogesterone (i have no idea what this is)
48 (normal 285 or less for luteal phase)
C-Reactive Protein
1.48 (normal should be less than .80)
HPV - positive (the kind that causes cerivcal cancer, not herpes)
FSH
2.9 (normal 1.5 - 9.1 for luteal phase)
Prolactin
18.1
My husband had knee surgery today. He'd been having problems but with a X-rays and MRIs they couldn't figure out what was wrong. Well he took a little tumble down the stairs on Monday and had it. His doctor would go in arthroscopically to see what was going on. Well he had a torn miniscus, his knee cap was not smooth and he has a "hole in his bone". He has to use crutches for a month! No weight bearing at all. It's his right knee, so he can't drive. I'm having to take so much time off work, I wonder how I will ever catch up.
I feel so bad for him. I know it hurts (i had my ACL/MCL blown a few years ago). He's a big guy (6'1" and about 270lbs), watching him use crutches is pitiful.
I got all my test results from the RE. I failed my 3 hour glucose test spectacularly. I mean SERIOUSLY FAILED. I am 12 points away from being classified as a diabetic. SCARY! My testosterone is 44 = HIGH! Very HIGH! My TSH was high. My ACTH (adrenal test I believe) was through the roof. Normal is 2-27 mine was 54. No wonder I feel like shit! I need help from all you adrenal people!! I had the Cotrosyn and the Dexamethazone tests, but am still waiting for results. What is wrong with me?!?!
I was told low/no carb diet again. This time it suck in..because for crying out loud I do not want to be a diabetic. It runs in my family, I've seen what it can do, and it ain't pretty!
So between work, my poor hubby and my own stuff, it's been a sucky week. I don't think I'm ever going to dig out of the back log.
I am soo happy about all the adoption news and BFPs!! It is all so exciting!! God bless our prayer buddies!
Below are the tests and results...
Glucose Tolerance Test:
Fasting - 86
1 Hr - 188 (200 is the cut off for diabetes)
2 Hr - 172
3 Hr - 95
Insulin Response to Glucose Tolerance Test:
Fasting - 14
1 Hr - 131 (normal range 8-112)
2 Hr - 331 (normal range 5-55)
3 Hr - 154 (normal range 3-20)
Vitamind D
21ng/ml (normal 30-100)
TSH
5.27
T4, Free
1.2
T3, Total
108
ACTH, Plasma
52 (normal 5-27)
Testosterone
44 (normal 2-45)
Hydroxyprogesterone (i have no idea what this is)
48 (normal 285 or less for luteal phase)
C-Reactive Protein
1.48 (normal should be less than .80)
HPV - positive (the kind that causes cerivcal cancer, not herpes)
FSH
2.9 (normal 1.5 - 9.1 for luteal phase)
Prolactin
18.1
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