More Than Anything: I need a change...

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I need a change...

I need a change. I'm not exactly sure what it is. Maybe its the hormones fromthe start of a new cycle. CD 1 was yesterday. Maybe I'm just bored. I feel antsy. Unease and unrest. I'm not sure why?

It could be I haven't been to mass in forever. It could be that I feel like I live a very BORING life. We have no friends in Jacksonville, maybe that's it. I feel like I'm waiting for my life to start and I hate it. I'm not sure why I just don't start whatever it is I'm waiting for.

I feel like I have no destination. We are not trying to get pregnant right now...maybe I've lost my identity? I asked my husband today "since we're not TTC, should I get on drugs (antidepressants)?" He asked me why. The only reason I could give him is, I guess I need a pick me up? I just feel BLAH and I HATE IT!

I just want more, but I have everything I need. Everything I want? NO. We don't own a house, but we have a roof over our heads. We need to buy a newer car, but the one we have works. I need to learn how to be happy with what I have and my life the way it is...or quit bitching about it and do something.

Any suggestions? Am I the only one who feels this way?

2 comments:

Leila@LittleCatholicBubbleSeptember 14, 2010 at 1:47 AM
Okay, I will take the fireballs, but I think if you get your mass-going back on track, so much will fall into place! Confession first, then back to the Eucharist and don't miss a Sunday! (Sorry, I'm a former RCIA teacher and it just all comes back to me, ha ha!)

Praying for you, sweets!
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SewSeptember 14, 2010 at 8:02 AM
Confession, then Mass. ;)
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So far...

March 2004 - Married

July 2007 - Husband diagnosed with low testosterone and diabetes; started injectable testosterone and Metformin

August 2007 - Husband and I both diagnosed with hypothyroidism; start Synthroid

March 2009 - Start TTC (we did not use BC (birth control) the first 5 years of our marriage :) We had other problems.

March 2010 - Diagnosed with PCOS; started Metformin 500 XR

April 2010 - Metformin upped to 1000 XR

May 2010 - Metformin upped to 1500 XR; diagnosed with high blood pressure...started meds

June 2010 - First appointment with RE; told to start eating low carb

July 2010 - not so successful at low carb eating :) diagnosed with low vitamin D; insulin resistance; something's wrong with adrenal, don't know what it is yet

October 2010 - met with doctor to get lap-band; started gathering all necessary information for insurance approval

November 2010 - lap-band surgery approved by insurance; waiting for surgery date

December 2010 - had lap-band surgery; lost 15 lbs from first meeting with doctor in October to surgery; total weight loss is 25lbs; stopped taking Metformin

April 2011 - Started Creighton charting, have an appointment with NaPro doc July 2011; have lost 50 pounds since surgery

June 2011 - Start gluten free diet

August 2011 - 70 pounds gone

April 2012 - DH SA - 14 million motile sperm; start my first round of Letrozole (5 mg for days 3-8)

May 2012 - First round of Let.rozole; HCG trigger shot. BFN

June 2012 - Second round of Letrozole; HCG trigger shot. BFN

July 2012 - Third round of Letrozole. Follicle check results: could NOT find my ovaries, told to trigger anyway. BFN

August 2012 - Fourth round of Letrozole (5mg). Follicel check results: 21mm on left, 23mm on right; 8000iu HCG trigger shot. BFM

Septmeber 2012 - Laporoscopy - adhesions removed, no endo, open tubes; Fifth round of Letrozole (5mg); follicle on each ovary; 10000iu HCG trigger shot.