First Medicated Cycle

Stupid AF appeared like I knew she would on Friday afternoon.  My new RE wanted me to call their office when I started.  I didn't start until 4:30pm Friday and their office closed at 4:00pm.  Dang it!!!

So I called Monday morning knowing they usually start meds like Clomid & Letrozole on CD3 .  He put me on Letrozole 2.5mg twice a day, CD3-8 (although really CD 4-9 for me).  I go in for an ultrasound on Wednesday to check the ol' follies.  Hopefully we've got something good cooking in there!! :)

I'm putting a lot of hope in this first medicated cycle.  More than I know I should.  Statistically, I know it takes a few months for these types of drugs to work (typically), if they ever do...but positive energy can't hurt right?!?!

So far I haven't experienced any side effects from the Letrozole.  Thank God.  I am curious to see what happens with my mucus though.  I'll start taking Mucinex in the next few days just in case.

I'm already dreading the TWW.  It's going to be the longest of my life!

Hope

Sometimes I hate having hope.  Today is one of those days.  We've all had those times where we know hope we are pregnant.  Something was different this cycle.  Pre-menstrual symptoms are different.  Something!

Then you realize, its never different.  CD1 will come whether we have sex in a different position, take 100 different vitamins, stop eating gluten, stand on our head, cross our eyes, or beg God...it will still come!  I had hope this month.  

We had great timing.  We found out DH has sperm (whoo hoo!).  I just "felt" it.  But today I can tell AF will be here tonight or tomorrow no matter how much I wish it away.

I'm not good at spending time in prayer.  I say quick prayers for others.  I (and DH) pray before every meal in thanksgiving, but spending time alone with God is not something I'm good at.  So last night as I was laying in bed, God and I had a "talk".  Well, it's like a lot of other situations...I talked, he listened. 

I tried to explain to God, that I want to have the strength and courage to say to him "if it be Your will" but I don't.  I'm human: I want what I want, when I want it.  My head says "you can do nothing without God Beth, babies are miracles" but my heart still begs to be a mother.  I know in my head that nothing can be done without God either because he wills it or allows it, but my heart doesn't understand why.

Am I making any sense?

Maybe this is what IF is supposed to do for me.  I know I have no control and cannot will something in to reality even if I wanted to, but the hopeful/desperate part of me will not allow me to release control and say "if it be Your will"....because what if he says no.  

We have SPERM!!!

We had a first SA done today and we have sperm!!!  Thank you God!  I am so happy!!!!  It could have gone either way with DH's low testosterone issues.  I am so relieved. :)

We had the SA done at our new RE's office (after sex at home with collection condom).  He called us with the results at 7:00pm.  He was on his way home, but said the count was about 14 million motile sperm (not great, but not bad either).  He is now on 4000ius of HCG weekly and it should help his count. We have to do a re-test in about 3 months.

When the doctor called, he started off with "we'd have the most success with insemination with that kind of count" but as soon as I said we're not up for insemination, he said "ok, I know every couple is different".  I almost fell out!  Then we started talking about what to do about it.  He wants to do a cycle of clomid with ovulation monitoring and a HCG trigger shot.  He is really concerned with our timing.  Apparently, the fewer sperm you have, the more timing is important.

He did mention a few other things, like tube blockages and endo, but wants to try clomid first.  He thinks my tube blockage was the sphincter muscle locking up and not a true blockage.

I'm excited to start moving in some direction!  I'm still working with my NaPro doctor as my new RE doesn't see the need for post peak HCG...and I.do.  And I love NaPro so I don't want to leave it.