Saturday, October 9, 2010

Why I Stayed

I've been thinking a lot about why I stayed with my husband after the affair. I don't regret my decision at all. Sometimes I think the easier thing to do would've been to leave. It's just been on my mind a lot lately and I'm not sure why.

My first thought about why I stayed has more to do with how he handled the news that I was leaving. I'm not the threatening kind (usually). If I threaten, I follow through. The timeline from the confrontation fight to the "I'm leaving" news was about 3 months. We had slept in different bedrooms. We gave each other space. We. were. miserable. I had been homesick for months. So I was done. I told him and for the first time he cried and really let me see how hurt HE was. He didn't yell, he didn't even really beg me to stay. He stayed calm and told me he loved me and didn't know what he would do without me. That he was sorry and hated what he did to us. It was horrible, I felt bad for wanting to leave him, even after what he had done to me. I HATE to hurt people's feelings. Especially people I love. I feel like I'm letting them down.

I left that night to stay at a friends. I didn't want him talking me into staying. Gheez I was an idiot! After about 2 hours at my friends house, I went back home. He was my best friend and even though he had hurt me more than anyone else ever had, I wanted to be with him.

I would like to say, I stayed with him because of my deep belief in marriage. Catholics don't like divorce ya know :) Ha! I knew I didn't want to be divorced, but that was not the driving factor behind it. I did take my marriage vows seriously, still do, so that probably had something to do with it.

I prayed and begged God to help me make the right decision concerning my life. It was a big one. I had my new single life already mapped out. I was going to go back to school and live with my parents for a while. But I couldn't do it.

I wasn't meant to be single. I love being married. Love. it. I love the bond, the sharing, the intimacy. How can it get any better than living with your best friend?

So I guess my decision to stay married came down to gut reactions and God. He gave me the peace I needed and my DH gave me the support I needed.

It is amazing to me, when I think about all the decision I (or anyone else) makes that effects the rest of our lives. Something as simple as which school to go to, where you could meet your soul something as complicated as getting married or divorced. All these decisions make people who they are today. The good and the bad.


  1. Wow! Thank you for sharing this! You are a very strong woman! I commend you for knowing your heart, looking to God, and staying committed to your marriage vows. I will keep you and your DH in my prayers.

  2. I agree with Megan. You are doing what most women wouldn't, but what God calls us to. Heroic virtue. Thank you for sharing this! God bless you both.

  3. I am glad you shared this too. My mom stayed after my dad cheated. It was hard, but they got through it and are so glad they did. Maybe it is like how sometimes dh and I are ten times closer after a bad fight? My mom and dad's marriage got better. They appreciated each other more. It was good for us as her kids to see that you can work through difficult things like this. Mercy and forgiveness are what we are called to do, and when we can find it in ourselves to do those things, we are blessed as well.

  4. This is from an abandoned spouse:

    It is a good thing you have done. I hope your husband has changed

    I remain faithful to our vows now more than twenty years of unfaithful abandonment.

    God be with you.