I hate needles

Truly I do. I am the hardest person to get blood from. I get it from my dad; my little sister has the same problem. I guess crappy veins runs in the family!

Anyhow, I FINALLY went in to get all the blood work the RE ordered and had the lovely 3 hr glucose test. I walked away looking like a drug addict. When they stick me, I don't end up with just a pink little dot...oh hell no, I have some big ol' bruises. Two on each hand, two in one elbow and one in the other elbow. OUCH!!!

Nothing else new to report. If we can track down some Dexamethasone from a pharmacy, I'll be getting stuck again in the morning. (it's to test for cushings syndrome)

I've been MIA because there's nothing else going on. My parents are on vacation in South Carolina visiting family...and I'm stuck at work. Yup, completely jealous.

1 Pound Down

only a gazillion more to go. ICK! It's kind of depressing, but kind of exciting all at the same time. I hate losing weight because it is soo slow. I like instant gratification! HA!

I didn't change too much other than not eating everything in site! I even had a cheeseburg this weekend...and it was SOO YUMMY!

I need to get on the band wagon seriously. This 1 pound could've been 3-5 pounds had I NOT had a cheese burger. What is wrong with me?!?!?!?!?!

I know...I LOVE FOOOOOODDDD!!!! HAHAHA!

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Thanks for responding to my post yesterday. Sew...I know "friend to friend" ;)

Just to clarify - my stepsons do not live with me, nor were they raised with any kind of serious religion. There mom and dad were Mormon, but not very active. The boys don't believe much of anything really. It's sad.

I hope with my own babies, I can raise them to be...how did Sew put it "Catholic leaders of tomorrow"??. But yes, I want to raise cute little Catholic babies, who love the Lord and do not want to offend Him. But with these boys...I'm just trying to keep from becoming a grandma before I'm a mom. And no...i would never recommend the morning after pill or abortion. If they did get pregnant, I would DEFINITELY encourage adoption.

This is some very deep stuff...

There has been a lot of deep thinking going on the blog world. IVF, embryos, birthcontrol, abortion, racism, etc.

It's all horrible in on way or another. However, I am apparently not that great a catholic.

Here are SOME of thoughts...

IVF - I wouldn't do it, but I have thought about it. And to be perfectly honest, if I wasn't married to a better man than me, I might. Desparation make people do crazy things. I'm just not sure. Since I am married to this husband of mine forever, there will be no IVF in my future. God knew me better than I did when he sent Bubba to me.

Embryos - I would consider doing embryo adoption. The babies are going to either die or stay frozen forever. What's wrong with giving them a loving home. Other than how they are created, how is it any different than adoption. *Although, there was an idea (on another blog) of having the mothers have the babies and give them up for adoption. That idea I kind of liked. But, we'd be forcing them to do it...and that's not right.

Birthcontrol - Again, I wouldn't do it. I've learned enough about my body to know when and how to not get pregnant. BUT, I do tell my step-son to use birthcontrol. He's 16 and he and his girlfriend have sex. Is it really that bad to encourage them to be safe about it. We've had the abstinance talk...but come on...we were all 16 at one time. It ain't gonna happen.

Abortion - Hate it. I still get torn sometimes between a womans right to choose and pro-life. I would NEVER ever do it, but I wonder who am I to tell someone else they can't. I know, not very Catholic of me.

Racism - there is no defending it, there is no rationalizing it. It is plain wrong. People are people are people. Black, white, brown...it doesn' matter. God made them all and loves them all.

There, I'm done. I know some of these view points will not be well recepted, however, I felt to need to get it all out there. I may regret this in about 10 minutes, but at that point it's too late.

Father's Day

I have a great dad. I didn't always think so as a teenager, but as an adult, I think he's amazing. He makes me laugh, teases me, punches me and is an over all disaster. ;) Happy Father's Day Pops!!

My husband is a great dad too. Today I am feeling guilty for dragging him across the country...away from his boys. They live in SLC, UT with their mom and we're in Florida. I know its hard for him. Somtimes I hate it. BUT it was best move for our marriage and myself that we moved here. I try to cut myself some slack, but today is a feeling guilty day for my husband. His oldest son just graduated high school and his youngest son will be a junior this year. I try to tell myself that they're at the age where they don't really need him, but a kid always needs their dad.

Hopefully this time next year, he'll have a little one here. Happy Father's Day Honey! I love you more than words.

Birth Control & Questions

I was reading Sew's post from this morning and it reminded me of something from my conversion story.

I took BCPs for a couple of months when I was about 19. I didn't like having to take a pill everyday, so I quit. Anyways, while we were in RCIA, I asked about birth control. I think I heard growing up, that Catholics don't use birth control. My husband and I had a talk about it, then took it to the Deacon who taught our class. Yup, that's right he said NO BIRTHCONTROL!! I was like WTF?!?!

My mother, God bless her, was one of those "fertile myrtle's" we all hate. ) She was one that would say the dreaded sentence "all he has to do is look at me, and i'm pregnant." Yup that's her! So naively, so very naively, I thought it would be the same way for me. My husband already had two kids (by "accident"). If we can't use birth control, how many kids will we have?!?! OH NO!! I was freaking out. I could have how many kids by the time I hit menopause?!?!?!?!?

The thoughts were running through my mind of how I could go to the doctor, get the pill, and not let my husband know about it. I know, I know I'm horrible! Then we learned about NFP, and in my young horny mind, I thought.....a week or more with no sex?!?! WHAT?!?!

My husband made it seem like no big deal. I don't care what he says, he was always better than me at this stuff.

Then we realized we had fertility problems. I guess God does have a sense of humor. I wish he could've come up with a better plan to teach me, than infertility. :) :)

Oh for what it's worth, I am one of four girls and my dad did have a vasectomy. I can tell you that abstaining from sex during fertile times was not even a blip on my radar until I became Catholic. It really is a beautiful thing, all of it. Too bad making a baby isn't as easy as I thought (dreaded) it would be.

I am grateful for my Catholic faith. Especially when I've seen how much I've grown. I wish I could say I put 100% trust in God and His plan for me, but that would be a lie. I have control issues. God knows this. I think that's why, everytime I think I've got it figured out, he throws a wrench in my plan, just to let me know...I'm not in control of anything. I love it!!!

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Questions...

In cycle news, I'm on CD6. I haven't gotten a Creighton instructor yet, but I'm curious about it, so answer my questions....please :)

I thought I saw on someone's blog that the best quality CM is the kind that stretches for days. I read in a sympto-thermal book that stretchy is great, rbut the really liquidy CM (almost like a water based lube) was better. What does Creighton say? And does ovulation occur on the last day of fertile CM or can it occur in the middle, depending on the type of CM?

Ok, TMI here, but I have another question. I bled for 1.5 days this cycle (it started Monday morning at around 8:00 and by 3:00 the next day..hardly nothing). Then it was spotting for another 2. Isn't that odd? What could cause that? I usually bleed for 3 days...then it comes to an abrubt halt, and starts up again the next day, but way lighter and usually just spotting.

Thanks for any advice!!!

My Conversion

Well, I was received into the church on Easter of 2006. I never thought I would see the day. Being raised VERY Mormon, I grew up being taught and believing that the Catholic church was the "great and abominable" church. Rude. I know. But true. In 2002 I started rethinking my Mormon faith. I was growing distant from my church and my faith. I believed in God, but the story of Joseph Smith and temple workings were just too much for me to buy into anymore.

I met and married my husband. For a year he kept saying I want to go to Mass, I want to join the Catholic church. Bear in mind, that he was raised more Mormon than I was. But he had been exposed to a very nice Catholic priest a few years prior. It stuck with him.

One day in 2005 he picked me up from work and said we're going to the 5:15pm mass at the Cathedral. I thought...NO! But I went. I wish I could say I felt God there. I wish I could say it was the most amazing experience ever. I wish it would've been the point in my life where I "knew" this is where I was meant to be. I know my husband did. I felt akward and awful. I felt like a traitor and that I was in the devils house. I know DRAMATIC, but that's all I felt. I realize now it was fear and the devil himself.

My husband decided to enroll in RCIA in the fall of 2005. I was hesitant to say the least. I was not interested in being Mormon, mind you, but I sure wasn't interested in being Catholic either. Bubba was SOO excited to get the ball rolling on entering the church. I was just mad I was going to miss Grey's Anatomy. I had decided that since he was going, I was going to go to. I had to go see "what this is all about?" I remember saying, "if you're going to be Catholic I might as well know what my husband is going to be believing in."

Well, we went and it was amazing. I learned soo much. My husband said I was more into it than he was. He was amazed at how I was compltely in awe. We met some really great people in our class. I loved the Catholic faith. I loved that it was completely different than what I thought. It was amazing. I don't remember an AHA moment of "the" moment of when I decided this was it, but I knew within a month that this was want I wanted. I wanted to be Catholic. Holy crow!

I cannot remember all the details of the baptism. I will have to get my husband to refresh me. But I AM CATHOLIC and still amazed at how it unfolded.

RE Appointment

Well, it wasn't exactly what I expected, but it worked. We sat in an office with the RE and yapped. Yup, that's it...talked. Since this is pretty much the beginning of our TTC medical records, they are starting practically from scratch. We told him about all of our medical history and walked away with a game plan.

The first part of the plan...lose weight. Bastard! HA! I may not have mentioned on my little blog...that I'm a little chunky. He wants both me and Bubba on the At.kins Diet. Low/no carb. Oh how I love carbs, this is going to be SOO HARD. But if I can't do it for a baby, I can't do it at all. Wish me luck! We are proceding with tests, even though he wants to give me 5-6 months for weight loss. If Bubba's sperm analysis is as bad as I think it will be, then it will take at least 3 months to get that up anyways...right?! That's what I keep telling myself anyway. I was really sad to hear it, but it's true. We want the best environment for our little one, and if being a little pudgy is bad...we'll try to fix it.

Here are the tests he wants to run within the next month. I ovulated I believe sometime this weekend. The last day of fertile CM was Monday. It kept coming and coming, my peak day kept getting pushed further and further. Oh and one more report - we did get to use on day...Monday. Whoo hoo!

HSG - between CD 5-11 (i am to take Doxycycline for 10 days. what is this for?)
17 Hyoxyprogesterone
DHEA Sulfate
Free T3
Free T4
FSH
Prolactin
Testosterone Total
TSH
Vit D
3 hour insulin (glucose) test
ACTH
IGF-1
Cushings Syndrome

My husband was taken off testosterone shots and of course ordered an SA. Which I might add, he is less than impressed about having to do. I never did get our regular MD to order it, so he was off the hook. Now he's not and I think he could probalby cry. Poor poor Bubba! The doc is going to put him on 1,000mg of HCG twice weekly. What is the costs of HCG? Also I've heard its hard to find...is that true?

So what do you pros think? Fiarly sufficient? He seems to think we are an easy case. He did say that 70%-80% of his patients get pregnant in the first 3 months of treatment. Oh I hope it is that easy. The only thing that bothered me was his tone...like he did it...not God. Oh well, no one is perfect. The office was very nice and overall impressive.

Here we go. I can't believe we waited a year to do this. Oh well!