Saturday, May 29, 2010

Why can't things be easy?

So I am having a rant. It is allowed with blogging, right?! We all get a rant session every so often. Well I'm having one. I believe yesterday was peak day or ovluation day...whatever. Anyways, we did not "use" one stinking day of fertile time. I have beautiful wonderful mucous...and NOTHING. Nothing nothing nothing. I am soo glad we are going to the RE on Wednesday. My husband has to get her hormones under control...or out of control in our case. His testosterone level must be in the toilet, because he can't (how should I say this as delicate as possible) "perform." We have infertility and a performance disability. This sucks!

He was telling me a few days ago, I needed to be nice. He's an old man...this is what he tells me "Honey, I am 40, my prime was 20 years ago. You're 30, you're in your prime right now." You know what I wanted to say...I wanted to say "SO WHAT?!?!" But I didn't. I said ok, and went to bed. I didn't even mention fertile time. I didn't want that extra pressure on him. He just thought I was being a hornball.

I hate feeling this way. I KNOW...absolutely KNOW the performance issues have nothing to do with me. But a girl can't help but feel rejected...and then hurt because there's no way (barring a miracle of God) we could be pregnant this month. It's so disheartening. And then add on top of it, what happened last year, and I just want to cry. About everything.

Sorry to lay it all out there like that. But after 6 years of dealing with low testosterone and low libido, there is no more shame. Somebody's gotta put it all out there. No one else will. Its embarassing.

Today was a good day other than that. I laid tile in my parents 2nd bathroom. Exciting I know. No plans for tomorrow, but we're going to go boating on the Suwannee river on Monday. Should be a good time. I will try to remember a camera. Florida really is beautiful. I really missed it.

I really hope everyone has an enjoyable holiday weekend!


  1. I'm so glad that you two are going to see the RE soon! I can totally understand why you're so frustrated!


  2. definatly ok to rant on your blog! I do it all the time :)

    Completley understand your feeling frusterated, I hope everything gets better soon for ya!

  3. I'm so sorry. I hear your frustration! It is the pits. Sigh.

  4. I have PCOS as well, and the two years we tried were among the most stressful of my life. Of course, waiting to adopt a baby hasn't been easy either. I'm sorry that you are frustrated by his lack of interest. There was one month when we were trying that my husband had some sort of flu and I was coming down with it, but it was our peak time. I just flat out told him what we were going to be doing later that day so he could gear up for it. We never did get pregnant, but I remember that time and laugh about it.

    Nice to meet you, by the way.