Where oh where have my ovaries gone...

I had a follicle check today (CD12) after letrozole, and my RE could not find my ovaries!!!!!!  He tried for a while, had me get up and do a little shuffle, then lay back down.  He told me it might feel silly, but it may just shift things enough for him to find them.

HOW CAN YOU NOT FIND OVARIES?!?!?!?!  He's found them many times before.  They found them 9 days ago for my CD3 ultrasound.  My uterus is tilted back which he says makes the ovaries far away from the cervix/vagina.

The lining of my uterus looks good so he's assuming I at least have a follicle or two and told me to trigger tomorrow.  He gave me the option of sitting this month out, but also added the trigger shot wouldn't hurt anything if I took it without follicles.

I will do my Peak+7 ultrasound and see what it says.  Who the hell knows?!?!

I asked him if this could be a sign I have adhesions or endo...he said no.  I'm not sure I believe it.

On a happier note, there is LOTS of good news flying around the blogosphere....lots of new babies.  I LOVE IT!!

I also had an infertility support group meeting tonight and it was great as always.  It seemed much smaller than usual, but sometimes that is nice.  I met a new lady at the group tonight.  Hi...if you're reading!! :)  I was even stupid brave enough to give out my blog, but it did come with a warning that you may learn way more about me than you wanted.  Its nice to be in a room with people who know exactly what you're going through without offering advice you don't need (i.e. "why not try IVF?" or "i'll be your surrogate").

The only bummer about Catholic infertility groups is I walking away feeling like a horrible Catholic.  So uneducated.  I like to blame it on the fact that I converted, but I think its more likely that I'm just lazy.  I could read more books, listen to more Catholic radio, etc.  I feel like there is so much I don't know about it. I'm not immersed in it like I feel I should be.  So for now I will pray, that will have to work.

NaPro Consult

Thank goodness my NaPro doctor (Dr. G) can talk me off a cliff.  I was doubting the actions of my RE and feeling like I was being treated in an IVF mill.   Dr. G told me what he's doing is OK.  She would do things a little different (i.e. Letrozole all in one day instead of over 5, post peak blood work and ultrasound, etc), but overall she told me to let him do his thing.

I was getting discourage because I feel like he's just doing with me what he does with everyone else, not finding the root of what was wrong.   Dr. G said most RE is in the business of getting people pregnant not worrying about what the cause is.  Doesn't make me feel much better, but to know she's OK with his course of treatment help put my mind at ease.

Dr. G recommended no surgery right now (although would support me if I wanted it).  She said I have too many other things to figure out that could be causing my infertility.  I still have TEBB after a round of antibiotics a few months ago.  She told me I needed to rule out a food intolerance, infection or hormone imbalance (I can't remember what else).  

She thinks I may have had a LUFS cycle last month because of that big ol' cyst.  She told me not to take Ayges.tin anymore.  If I have a cysts in the future I should take progesterone 200mg IM injection.  

She also recommended Ammoxicilan, sustained release B6 (500mg nightly) and Mucin.ex (600mg twice daily) to help with peak type mucus.

She also asked if I was interested in LDN or T3.  I'm not sure about either of these.  She said she would e-mail some information to me about both and let me decide. She was hesitant to give me another pill, however I would take any number of pills to feel better!  How does everyone keep their pills straight?!

I'm glad I spoke with her.  She help me put things in perspective and let me know its not the end of the world.  And I'm almost certain that all of you who have been actively trying for way longer than me with medicated cycles want to punch me in the face. So, I will try to shut up and look at things realistically.  This failed cycle is not the end of the world, although I'm sure I'll have a good cry.

Torn

TTC is not for the weak of heart.  It's hard, trying and breaks your heart almost daily.  Mostly it sucks ass.

I am on my second cycle of Letrozole and I have a feeling AF is right around the corner.  I am supposed to POAS Friday, but I doubt I'll get that far.  I am at a crossroads and feel like I need to make a decision (or it could just be PMS).

I am being treated by an RE, but I have a NaPro doctor I keep updated on everything the RE is doing.  She fills in the gaps, if needed, but mostly she lest the RE do his thing. I feel like I'm being treated like a quick fix. Our RE is actually supportive of no IUIs and no IVF, but I don't feel like he's digging for the cause of why we're not pregnant.  My bloodwork is good, except for a little low progesterone and estrogen post peak (my NaPro doctor has me check it).  I am on Metformin because I didn't respond well to Letrozole without, although my blood sugar/insulin levels are within normal and I don't have polycystic ovaries.  According to an HCG, I do have one blocked tube, but they believe it was just the sphincter muscle locking up.

So my question is this: do I continue with what I'm doing (Letrozole, HCG trigger shot) and just be patient or do I have my NaPro doctor switch my treatment to Omaha and Dr. Hilgers?  She doesn't do things by the book, I've never had a full cycle blood draw, etc.  Our family is $1,500 away from our out of pocket maximum for the year.  It's very tempting to run to Omaha for surgery knowing that is all I would have to pay (that is if they take BCBS).

Surgery has been in the back of my mind since the HSG.  Always a nagging feeling.  I'm not sure if its God trying to get through my stubborn skull, or if its just my inpatience and insecurities that make me want to have my insides messed with.

I'm just confused, I like my RE and feel like I'm in good hands, but what happens in 3-6 months when the Letrozole isn't working?  What will he recommend?  Or is it going to be the same $400 per month for two ultrasounds and a trigger shot that takes 15 minutes?  I have no insurance coverage for treating infertility, but all the testing and diagnostics are covered.  Unless I wanted to do IVF and that's covered!!! STUPID STUPID STUPID!


Help me!