Quick Takes

1 - I have a lap scheduled for next Friday with my RE.  Is it crazy I'm kind of excited?!?!  I think he was a little hesitant to do a lap this "early" in my treatment, but he agreed.  Whoo hoo!

2 - I am finally taking a certified exam (for my job) that I should've taken 2 years ago.  I am such a procrastinator.  Although I do remember why I hated school.....I HATE to study! 

3 - We're going to the local farmers market this weekend.  We love going and getting yummy local food.  Hopefully we can go and beat the storm.  Hurricane Isaac went back out into the Gulf and is now heading its way here (thankfully not as a hurricane).

4 - I am tired.  The T3 is helping my energy level, its just helping it at the wrong time.  I  CANNOT fall asleep at night.  I end up staying awake until at least midnight, if not one or two.  I'm not sure if its drug related or anxiety related - which  I seem to be having lots of lately....I'm not sure why.

5 - Obviously this cycle was a bust with my surgery being scheduled, but the big ol' meany BFN doesn't get number 1 priority in my Quick Takes this week.  Screw you BFN!

6 - I am working with my NaPro doctor behind my RE's back.  Yesterday when we were going over what drugs I'm on, I felt like I was in the principle's office.  I told him slo.w re.lease T3, LDN, etc.  He looked up and me and said "Where are you getting these drugs?"  HAHA Sooo busted!  I told him Dr. G, my NaPro doctor and he let it go.  Although he did tell me to stop taking the LDN before surgery.  Good Dr. RE.  At least he knew what it was :)

7 - I found a new love...SUSHI!  The first time I tried it was about 7 years ago.  I liked the first piece I ate, but the second piece was yuck!  I almost got sick right at the table.  Then and there I swore I'd never eat it again.  But I did.  And now I love it.  Although, I'm not sure if you can even call the kind I eat sushi.  Nothing raw and totally fried.  Yummmmm.  I want it now!  I think the hubs should take me to Bentos for dinner tonight!

Bookstore Story - Finally!

I posted a few months ago about an experience I had at a Catholic bookstore. Here it is:

I had visited this particular Catholic bookstore at least once before, looking for a new Missal. I noticed some super cute baby stuff while I was there, because what infertile girl doesn’t notice cute baby stuff?! I was invited to a baby shower a month later, and since the woman’s husband is Catholic, and their first baby was baptized, I thought “Yay! Now I have an excuse to go buy that cute baby stuff.”

I remember when I walked in, the store was pretty empty. I was only one of two people in the whole store, in addition to the saleswoman. While I was trying to decide between bibs, onesies, children’s books and other baby things, a man in the book section asks the saleswoman for help in finding a Church history book. I wandered over to where the conversation is happening, trying to soak up any information I can.

In the middle of the discussion, another man walked in. The saleswoman says “Hi, Deacon.” This poor deacon -- you could tell just by looking at him -- was having a bad day. I loved our deacon back in Salt Lake so deacons are some of my favorite people. We all started talking and the deacon was asked which parish he belongs to. He answered, then also told us that he ministers to prisoners in Flo.rida Sta.te Pr.isons, specifically those on death row. My first thought is “Wow! this guy is brave. That must be a horrible ‘job’.”

The man who was looking for the Church history book spoke up, saying, “What a coincidence.” The deacon looked at him surprised and said, “What?” The man goes on to tell his story:

The man before you now is not the man I used to be. I was not a nice person. I did some things I shouldn’t have and was sent to prison. While in prison, my behavior got worse and I was put in “max”, aka, maximum security. One day a Catholic priest came to max, doing his rounds, and stopped at my cell door. As ashamed as I am to stand here and say this, I was not very nice, cursed and spat at him. The priest did something I did not expect: He said ‘God loves you’ and walked on.

This priest continued to visit me every time he came to max. We built a great friendship. I told him I was Mormon and we talked about the Catholic Church. The priest told me, ‘I will live to see you become a Catholic.’ I laughed in his face. ‘Mormons don’t become Catholics. You’re crazy.’

Eventually, I was released from prison, and went to live with my parents while I got back on my feet. A year later, I met a girl. Two years later, we got married. There was a Cathedral about two miles from where my wife and I lived that always intrigued me. It was beautiful. One day when I was driving by, it felt like God Himself was telling me to go into the Cathedral. It happened to be during a daytime mass. I sat in the back and cried. There are no words to describe how I felt.

The next week, I talked my wife into going to mass with me. She wasn’t so sure what to think about the Catholic church, but I decided to enroll in RCIA that fall. I was so happy when my wife told me she wanted to enroll to. RCIA was a great experience.  We met wonderful people and learned so much. We were baptized during the Easter Vigil. As we were processing back to our seats, I see the priest, MY priest! I was so excited! After the service, I grabbed my wife and made a beeline for him. I asked him if he remembered me, and he said, “Yes, of course.” He was so happy for me, we hugged and cried. It was one of the best days of my life.  A day I will truly never forget.

When he was done telling his story, the saleswoman, the deacon and I are all bawling like babies in this Catholic bookstore. Thank goodness no one else walked in, because they would have thought we were all crazy. The tears rolling down our cheeks weren’t tears of sadness, but of joy. There was a man, right in front of us, who had to through hell and back to find his way to God.  I watched this Deacon go from sad to happy in :02 seconds. He was so excited! Like jumping up and down excited! He tells us he was having a really bad day, and this man's story helped turned his whole day around. He said stories like this man’s are what make his ministry all worth it. Since he mostly works with death row inmates or those sentenced to life in prison, he doesn’t get the happy ending stories like this one. He asked to pray with us and give thanks for God’s love. We all joined hands, the deacon prayed, and we cried even more. It truly was amazing to watch the transformation in this deacon. You could truly tell his whole outlook changed. I will forever be thankful for that day in the Catholic bookstore.

The kicker of this story? The man in the story -- the one who had been to prison and then became Catholic -- that’s my husband. A man of whom I am truly proud, and whom I couldn’t love more.

Friday Quick Takes

1 - I will start off with a bang...I POAS this morning.  BFN.  Great way to start a long weekend.  BOOOO!!!!

2 - Since I got a BFN, I am going to be asking my RE to do the ol' chop chop on my girly parts.  I know he's not a NaPro doc but he would be able to spot if my stuff isn't in the right place and some endo.  If he spots anything, I'll start planning a trip to Omaha.

3 - I am so tired of policitcs!  Yes, I am one of those people!

4 - I started my max dose of T3 (22.5mcg) today after titrating for the last three weeks.  I'm feeling pretty good!  My temps and pulse are a little higher, but nothing out of range.  I am actually considered "normal" now.

5 - I finally wrote out the story regarding the Deacon at the Catholic book store I mentioned a month or two (hell maybe even three) months ago.   I hope to post soon.

6 - I believe a friend of mine either has a gluten intolerance or candida overgrowth, maybe both.  I told her about the GAPS diet and the paleo diet.  Is there anything else I should give her a heads up about?

7 - Work is crazy busy! Beth, stop blogging and work!!!!

God bless!

Quick Takes

1   My husband and I headed to Our Lady of Le Leche again this weekend.  I wonder if we beg our Mother Mary enough if she'll give in like my momma does.  a/k/a give the kid whatever she wants to make her shut up!  Think it'll happen?!?!  No?  Ok, its wishful thinking :)

2  I started LDN on Tuesday night.  The only thing I know is: I'm tired!!  About 3:00 every afternoon, I could literally lay down and fall asleep. At my desk!

3  I start T3 soon (whenever I get it from Ku.bat).  I'm excited!  Maybe it will help with the 3:00 sleepies!  I am however not looking forward to the temping, pulse monitoring, etc.

4  My company is gearing up to get ready to raise money for our Un.ited Wa.y campaign we do every year. I love planning fundraising games and parties.  It makes my job as a paralegal seem BORING!  I love the volunteering opportunities...it gives me warm fuzzies! :)

5  Funny story...my husband was feeling frisky last night (anyone who deals with low testosterone knows this is an unexpected occurrence).  So I was like...whoo hoo...yeah baby!!  I was being a smart as this morning and said "thanks for last night babe!"  He had know idea what I was talking about!!!!!!!  He had taken his A.mbien and had no idea.  He'd forgotten the whole thing!!!  I've heard of sleep walking and sleep eating....but never sleep sex! You either?  You have now!!!

6  My husband will kill me if he reads this blog and sees that ^ !!!

7  Blogging at work and its 5:00.....I'm blowing this popsicle stand!  Bye!!!

Where oh where have my ovaries gone...

I had a follicle check today (CD12) after letrozole, and my RE could not find my ovaries!!!!!!  He tried for a while, had me get up and do a little shuffle, then lay back down.  He told me it might feel silly, but it may just shift things enough for him to find them.

HOW CAN YOU NOT FIND OVARIES?!?!?!?!  He's found them many times before.  They found them 9 days ago for my CD3 ultrasound.  My uterus is tilted back which he says makes the ovaries far away from the cervix/vagina.

The lining of my uterus looks good so he's assuming I at least have a follicle or two and told me to trigger tomorrow.  He gave me the option of sitting this month out, but also added the trigger shot wouldn't hurt anything if I took it without follicles.

I will do my Peak+7 ultrasound and see what it says.  Who the hell knows?!?!

I asked him if this could be a sign I have adhesions or endo...he said no.  I'm not sure I believe it.

On a happier note, there is LOTS of good news flying around the blogosphere....lots of new babies.  I LOVE IT!!

I also had an infertility support group meeting tonight and it was great as always.  It seemed much smaller than usual, but sometimes that is nice.  I met a new lady at the group tonight.  Hi...if you're reading!! :)  I was even stupid brave enough to give out my blog, but it did come with a warning that you may learn way more about me than you wanted.  Its nice to be in a room with people who know exactly what you're going through without offering advice you don't need (i.e. "why not try IVF?" or "i'll be your surrogate").

The only bummer about Catholic infertility groups is I walking away feeling like a horrible Catholic.  So uneducated.  I like to blame it on the fact that I converted, but I think its more likely that I'm just lazy.  I could read more books, listen to more Catholic radio, etc.  I feel like there is so much I don't know about it. I'm not immersed in it like I feel I should be.  So for now I will pray, that will have to work.

NaPro Consult

Thank goodness my NaPro doctor (Dr. G) can talk me off a cliff.  I was doubting the actions of my RE and feeling like I was being treated in an IVF mill.   Dr. G told me what he's doing is OK.  She would do things a little different (i.e. Letrozole all in one day instead of over 5, post peak blood work and ultrasound, etc), but overall she told me to let him do his thing.

I was getting discourage because I feel like he's just doing with me what he does with everyone else, not finding the root of what was wrong.   Dr. G said most RE is in the business of getting people pregnant not worrying about what the cause is.  Doesn't make me feel much better, but to know she's OK with his course of treatment help put my mind at ease.

Dr. G recommended no surgery right now (although would support me if I wanted it).  She said I have too many other things to figure out that could be causing my infertility.  I still have TEBB after a round of antibiotics a few months ago.  She told me I needed to rule out a food intolerance, infection or hormone imbalance (I can't remember what else).  

She thinks I may have had a LUFS cycle last month because of that big ol' cyst.  She told me not to take Ayges.tin anymore.  If I have a cysts in the future I should take progesterone 200mg IM injection.  

She also recommended Ammoxicilan, sustained release B6 (500mg nightly) and Mucin.ex (600mg twice daily) to help with peak type mucus.

She also asked if I was interested in LDN or T3.  I'm not sure about either of these.  She said she would e-mail some information to me about both and let me decide. She was hesitant to give me another pill, however I would take any number of pills to feel better!  How does everyone keep their pills straight?!

I'm glad I spoke with her.  She help me put things in perspective and let me know its not the end of the world.  And I'm almost certain that all of you who have been actively trying for way longer than me with medicated cycles want to punch me in the face. So, I will try to shut up and look at things realistically.  This failed cycle is not the end of the world, although I'm sure I'll have a good cry.

Torn

TTC is not for the weak of heart.  It's hard, trying and breaks your heart almost daily.  Mostly it sucks ass.

I am on my second cycle of Letrozole and I have a feeling AF is right around the corner.  I am supposed to POAS Friday, but I doubt I'll get that far.  I am at a crossroads and feel like I need to make a decision (or it could just be PMS).

I am being treated by an RE, but I have a NaPro doctor I keep updated on everything the RE is doing.  She fills in the gaps, if needed, but mostly she lest the RE do his thing. I feel like I'm being treated like a quick fix. Our RE is actually supportive of no IUIs and no IVF, but I don't feel like he's digging for the cause of why we're not pregnant.  My bloodwork is good, except for a little low progesterone and estrogen post peak (my NaPro doctor has me check it).  I am on Metformin because I didn't respond well to Letrozole without, although my blood sugar/insulin levels are within normal and I don't have polycystic ovaries.  According to an HCG, I do have one blocked tube, but they believe it was just the sphincter muscle locking up.

So my question is this: do I continue with what I'm doing (Letrozole, HCG trigger shot) and just be patient or do I have my NaPro doctor switch my treatment to Omaha and Dr. Hilgers?  She doesn't do things by the book, I've never had a full cycle blood draw, etc.  Our family is $1,500 away from our out of pocket maximum for the year.  It's very tempting to run to Omaha for surgery knowing that is all I would have to pay (that is if they take BCBS).

Surgery has been in the back of my mind since the HSG.  Always a nagging feeling.  I'm not sure if its God trying to get through my stubborn skull, or if its just my inpatience and insecurities that make me want to have my insides messed with.

I'm just confused, I like my RE and feel like I'm in good hands, but what happens in 3-6 months when the Letrozole isn't working?  What will he recommend?  Or is it going to be the same $400 per month for two ultrasounds and a trigger shot that takes 15 minutes?  I have no insurance coverage for treating infertility, but all the testing and diagnostics are covered.  Unless I wanted to do IVF and that's covered!!! STUPID STUPID STUPID!


Help me!